How To Ruin Your Life Through The Stock Market In 7 Easy Steps

Step 1 – Listen to everything that comes out of the mouth of that one relative that talks about his portfolio 24/7. Do not attempt to fact check anything he says and believe his every word.

Step 2 – Take ample time to realize just how much of a lucrative opportunity this thing called Futures & Options is. Bonus points for not doing any research whatsoever.

Step 3 – Convince your dad to give you the initial capital you need to gamble trade in FnO. Throwing key buzz words and phrases to persuade your dad is crucial. Feel free to use any of the classics below:

• I have done my research

• No Risk, No Reward

• Think about the Returns Pappa

• Random Statistic Taken Out Of Context

• India Is An Emerging Market With Many Opportunities

Step 4 – Ignore all the news you dislike, only pay attention to the news and information that aligns with your biases.  

Step 5 – Get to work baby. Open that demat account. Deposit that capital your dad reluctantly gave you. Only a matter of time until you are driving through Dubai in that Matte Black 2013 Lamborghini Gallardo with a Romanian supermodel in the passenger seat glancing at you flirtatiously.

Step 6 – You are a bit discouraged by the first few losses as you come to the realization that this game isn’t as easy as you initially thought it was. The Lambo and that Romanian supermodel will have to wait. You haven’t lost faith though and remain optimistic. 94% of traders in India end up losing money but of course you are part of the elite 6%, right?

Step 7 – It comes crashing on you, in brutal waves. You descend down this destructive spiral of asking for money only to lose it on a stupid trade, to asking for more money only to lose it on another stupid trade. “Learn from your mistakes” pshhh who has the time for that, you think to yourself. You sure don’t because all you can think about is the race you are in with the version of you that is living the dreams you had. The Lambo and that Romanian supermodel seem more distant than ever. Your family is extremely upset with you. The nights are lonely, you find crying yourself to sleep the only solution to not think about how much money you have lost. And just like that, every single aspect of your life is systematically dismantled and you have no one to point the finger at except the mirror. You stare into the cold eerie abyss of your monitor. Your net loss, in bold red lettering, is staring right back at you.